How sex abusers who target their own children keep parental rights – and the mothers fighting back

Under English and Welsh law, child sex abusers are able to keep their parental rights in the UK, even if they target their own children. This allows them to still have influence over where the child lives, as well as their healthcare and education.

Getting parental responsibility revoked is an intensely protracted process that requires going through the family courts and can cost as much as £30,000 to £50,000.

But London’s Victims’ Commissioner Claire Waxman is tabling an amendment to the Victims and Prisoners Bill that would mean child sex abusers who target their own children or step-children have their parental responsibility revoked.

“Sexual abuse by a parent or step-parent is one of the most psychologically damaging crimes that children can endure,” Ms Waxman toldThe Independent. “It is an abhorrent gap in our justice system that when these offenders are convicted, they maintain their parental responsibility over their victims.

“The children in these cases and the adults caring for them should not be subjected to additional psychological and potential financial suffering by having to make applications to family courts to have this parental responsibility revoked.”

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The Independent understands that Labour is expected to call for measures which go even further and will be supporting an amendment to the Criminal Justice Bill tabled by their own MP Harriet Harman which will mean anyone who sexually abuses any child will have their parental responsibility suspended. The only caveat is that they were a parent when they committed the offence.

“I was 16 when I met him,” Emily, who is in her 20s, said. “He was over twice my age when we met. He was abusive.”

Emily, who has one child with her ex, said he has a conviction for downloading hundreds of indecent images of children.

“He was doing this before I was with him, while I was with him and after I was with him,” she explained. “He never went to prison but was placed on the sex offenders register for five years but is due to come off soon.”

Until recently, he was permitted contact with their child which was ordered through the courts but supervised by one of his family members.

He is currently on bail facing charges of rape and sexual abuse against her, taking indecent images of her when she was 16 and potentially coercive control too, she says. For now, the family courts have ordered he has no contact with their child.

“My child has his surname and I can’t change it because he has parental responsibility,” Emily said. “He has refused to let me change it. I have spent £15,000 up to this point in the family courts. My whole life is on hold. My wages go on my solicitor’s bill. I don’t get to do anything nice for me or my child.”

She says she wishes she could get her ex-partner’s parental responsibility revoked but doing so is “impossible”, adding that many professionals have told her it is not achievable.

“They basically said the worst of the worst – murderers and rapists – still manage to keep it,” Emily adds. “I do believe it should be an automatic thing. People like him pose too much of a risk. He has no self-awareness and shows no remorse – he is not going to change as he doesn’t realise he has done anything wrong.”

Ms Waxman explains the government has decided murderers should have their parental responsibility removed at sentencing in cases of domestic homicide and is changing this by introducing “Jade’s Law” into the Victims and Prisoners Bill – an issue The Independent has reported on previously.

“The legislation must go further to protect children sexually abused by their own parent,” the commissioner adds. “Unfortunately, the criminal justice system has a long way to go in addressing these crimes and only a minority of child sexual abuse cases ever reach court – 11 per cent of all child sex abuse reports to police in England and Wales in 2020/21 were charged. In my experience, even fewer are charged when a parent or stepparent is the perpetrator.”

But some cases do lead to a conviction, and in those instances, victims must be safeguarded from their abusers who currently maintain parental responsibility and subsequently play a role in their key life decisions, Ms Waxman says.

“Protecting children from parents who have committed the heinous crime of abusing children – is absolutely crucial,” Shabana Mahmood, Shadow Justice Secretary, said. “The Labour Party is committed to ensuring that the law steps in with these terrible cases, to ensure that an abuser’s own children are not put in harm’s way.”

Another mother, Frankie*, also wants to get her ex’s parental responsibility for their child revoked.

“He was very abusive to me,” the 30-year-old told The Independent. “Physical, psychological, financial and sexual. He was controlling, manipulative, and unpredictable.

“My child came home and disclosed child sex abuse he perpetrated against her, which then led to going to the family courts but this led to nothing. I was very failed by the police system – nothing was found to happen because of how the police mishandled the situation.”

Frankie says her daughter sees her ex, who has a conviction for downloading indecent images of children, regularly in supervised visits but she often cries afterwards because he has been emotionally abusive and controlling towards her.

Research has found there are known links between coercive control, physical abuse and child sexual abuse, Dr Elizabeth Dalgarno, director of SHERA Research Group, which conducts research on domestic abuse and the family courts, said.

“We are calling for parental responsibility to be suspended for convicted child sex offenders,” she added. “It should not be incumbent upon victim-survivors to seek and pay for their own protection from these offenders via the civil courts. This is state-sanctioned abuse.”

Dr Dalgarno said mothers tell them the courts ignore child sex abuse convictions, adding it is increasingly common for mothers to try to curtail an ex’s parental responsibility.

At the end of January, victims and safeguarding minister Laura Farris told MPs: “In cases in which a parent has been convicted of a child sexual offence, the family court has the power to strip out parental responsibility.”

The Tory MP later warned choices about “suspending or restricting” parental rights hold substantial consequences for children, adding this is “why judges prefer to consider each case on its individual merits and make a decision that is specific to the best interests of that child.”

A Ministry of Justice spokesperson said: “The safety of a child is absolutely paramount. Family court judges will always put the welfare of children first and can already make orders limiting the parental rights of those found guilty of such offences. We are also carefully reviewing the approach to parental access to make sure all children are kept from harm.”

*Names changed to protect identities

‘My father killed my mother and got custody of me – now I’m fighting to change the law’